There's Beauty In Our Brokenness

What if we don’t need to be flawless to be loveable?

What if life doesn’t have to be totally sorted out to be satisfying and successful? What if the beauty is in the cracks and the repairs, not in the perfect perfect package?

The wise and wild women I know (like you, dear reader) already know this stuff at some level. We know that perfectionism is poisonous and that we don’t have to have it all together (or even look like we do).

We know that we’re gorgeous not in spite of our flaws, but because of them.

We know. 

But do we really believe that the beauty shines through because we shine through our brokenness? Do we really think we can free ourselves from all those expectations and all that striving?

These days, I feel like I’m being shown how to truly release the myth that things need to be perfect to be wonderful. After all these years of telling myself and my clients that life begins on the other side of my expectations, I think I am finally embodying it. For real. 

I felt these ideas settle into my soul in a new, true way during our most recent Qoya at the Barn class a couple of weeks ago. I need to tell you about something remarkable that happened during the Shadow Dance. 

Wait, What’s a “Shadow Dance”?

The Shadow Dance invites you to acknowledge, experience, move, and heal the parts of yourself you keep hidden. I include this particular dance in every Qoya class I lead because I know that women need a chance to pull their shadows out into the light.

And before I go on… Have you heard of or experienced Qoya? 

Qoya is a system of sacred, feminine movement that is both spontaneous and structured. When I lead a class out at the barn (as I do one Sunday each month), you can expect elements of yoga, meditation, and free movement. And, of course, the unexpected magic that comes with being near a herd of horses.

Often, I describe Qoya as a group therapy session for your body and soul. It goes beyond words and gets to the core all that is. And the Shadow Dance is at the very heart of the transformation you experience during the course of a class.

When We Dance With the Shadow, We Heal All Parts of Ourselves

We are on a quest for greater love, connection, and awareness. We are beautiful and whole, even with our cracks and flaws. We are better prepared to be with our beauty when we can acknowledge that we have dark, heavy energies within us, as well as the gorgeous, loving light. 

When we can move with our shadows, when we can move them through our bodies, then we can heal. True self-knowledge and self-love begins with being brave enough to name the pain, the challenges, and the secrets we keep within.

Dancing is a key part of the journey toward healing and awareness.

There’s Beauty In the Breaks & Imperfections

On this beautiful Sunday morning, a gentle acoustic song called “Beauty in Your Brokenness” floated across the pasture for our Shadow Dance. Women turned their focus inward and spiraled and swayed as they encountered the most tender, vulnerable parts of themselves.

I took in the powerful energy of peaceful transformation that rippled through our circle. I looked over at my horses, Elvis and Willow, and smiled as they ate together so sweetly. 

Willow, the tender white mare, has only been with us for a short time and we’re all still learning one another’s ways and needs. This was a special moment and I wanted to savor it. 

Suddenly, a screech shattered the idyllic morning stillness. Though I couldn’t see exactly what happened, I could feel it. The horses are still figuring out how to share food and space, and sometimes, one of them crosses the line.

Luckily, it was just a brief moment of disturbance. Their boundaries reestablished, Elvis and Willow found their way back to a sense of quiet acceptance quickly. The women in the group were startled, but soon returned to the dance and to their own process, too.

As surprising as it was, the horse’s outburst seemed practically choreographed. This was the Shadow Dance and horses are our mirrors. They were going to react to the movement of all dense, difficult energy. 

Guess What? The Dance Didn’t Need to Be Perfect to Be Magical & Transformative

Though I want my horses to be best friends and totally peaceful companions, the truth is that they just aren’t there yet with one another. They may never be, and that’s more than OK. 

I can’t force harmony between my beautiful animals. This is true in the same way that we cannot force harmony and perfection upon ourselves.  We simply can’t expect ourselves to be flawlessly fabulous all the time. 

As I try to write this while my sons argue in the next room, I am nodding and smiling and saying to myself, “I get it universe, we can't expect perfect harmony anywhere!”

But here’s what we can expect:

Beauty that emerges in the midst of the mess.
The horses found a new way to make peace. The dancers found a new way to integrate the interruption into their movement practice. The boys shared popsicles after fighting over a toy truck.

Every day and in every way, I find new ways to love the chaos, the disruptions, and the unexpected. When we can truly kiss the perfection myth goodbye and allow the shadows to move through our light-filled days, we get closer to happiness, to joy, and to a deep, lasting peace that is more beautiful than any picture-perfect dream ever could be.

Let’s Find the Beauty in the Brokenness Together.

We have Qoya At the Barn classes scheduled in both September and October in Great Falls, VA. If you live in the Washington DC Metro area, this is the best way to get to know me and my community of phenomenal women (and horses)!

Ready to dive deep right now? Learn more about Embodied Feminine Leadership Coaching and Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.